Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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