i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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