so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
