What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
