SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
