Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
