wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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