This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
