We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
