His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
