i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize