He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
