he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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