My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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