Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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