dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
