There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize