I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
