Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
