I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
