dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
