I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
