This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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