i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
