I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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