I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
