hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
