She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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