i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
