Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
