I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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