new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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