she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Even my vagina gasped.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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