Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
