I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
