so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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