i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize