he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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