i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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