Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
