So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
