Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
