all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
