Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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