I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
