Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize