apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
