Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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