dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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