A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
