so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
