Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
