Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
