Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
