Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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