I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize