Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
