I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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