tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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