Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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