I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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