before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
