I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
