My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
accomplished twins. life is a go
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
