Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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