Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
