well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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