Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
